We may not have it all together...

Dylan is getting older quickly. I don't feel like I can keep up all the time. Every year older he gets, I wonder what I can teach him or instill in him that matters. I wonder what I can do to help him become the kind of person I want him to be. In those moments when you look at your child and think "goodness, you've grown" I am continuously wondering what I can do to be a better mother.

Dylan-
I try my hardest every day for you. You have to know this. You have to carry this with you your whole life. A peace of mind knowing that someone is always on your side. Someone will always quietly be looking out for you, praying you're in a good place, working their hardest to keep you safe. You have to know - wherever you go - that half of my heart is with you.

When you make mistakes, and you will, and it feels like the world is against you. When you feel judged, when you're embarrassed at a decision you have made or a move you've made. When you are hurting, even if you've done it to yourself, come to me. Come to me and we will fix it together. If there is one thing I know how to make it through, it is mistakes. I am a veteran. I have the purple heart. I have the gold medal in mistake making. And the silver in getting through it as gracefully as one person can.


If there is one thing I can tell you from experience, it is that the people who love you, who truly love you the way you deserve to be loved will accept your mistakes and push past them. You don't have to earn this with me, I hope you understand. You have this now, and you always will.

Dylan, one thing I have always wanted for myself was to live with certainty. I've wanted a life where I was certain I knew who was on my side and who wasn't, a certainty that I was doing the right thing, that I was heading in a positive direction. I haven't had that, and you may not either. But for right now, for these days we get to spend together, I hope you are certain of me, if nothing else.

I know you and I have been through a lot together. I know we aren't home free yet, difficulties may still arise. Like I said before, I try my hardest for you every day. Whatever it is, we'll get through it. Whatever happens, we'll live to joke about it. I just hope you know that.

Love, mom.


"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." -Ghandi