Chicago Botanic Garden 2010

Here is a small slideshow of all of the photos from the Chicago Botanic Garden. If you would like to see the full-size version (which is much better, in my humble opinion) click here.


I hope you all enjoy. It really was a lovely day.

Accidental Heart Hardening

I would be lying if I said things were too hectic around here for me to blog. That isn't the case. In fact, I spend a lot of my time collecting thoughts that I would like to blog. The commitment of actually putting it in writing and then posting it is what keeps me from actually doing it.

A lot has been happening, but not so much that I am unable to write about it. The trip to Missouri was a welcome, lovely, much needed few days away. Coming home was a good feeling. I missed our dog. I will post pics soon.

We are three months away from getting married. Money is tight and it's consuming all of my thoughts. I knew when I left my job that things would never be the same. I knew I couldn't go shopping. I knew I would have to go without, but it was worth it to me because it meant I would be able to spend more time with Dylan.

I used to justify going shopping and buying useless things by reminding myself that I worked 40 or more hours a week, and that I deserved it. I reminded myself that I was a single, hard working mother, who maintained the best life she could for her son and if I wanted something nice to wear, I should have it.

I don't have those excuses anymore. I spend my days working on the (practice) wedding cake, (did I mention we're making our own to save money?) doing laundry, and taking bike rides with Dylan. Being a stay at home mom is really hard. Much harder than I had ever anticipated it.

There were also some unexpected side effects. The most predominant one for me is that I have absolutely no sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I had no idea how badly I needed the sense that I completed a task that I set out to do. Right now, I work part time at a store to make a (very) little extra money. Without it, I think I would go crazy. It is fulfilling in that it gets me out of the house, but it is honestly the lowest-paying job I have ever had. Although I enjoy it more than any other job I have ever had (with the exception of a few photography positions), it doesn't provide the satisfaction at the end of the day of knowing I have made a difference.

Instead, I spend an unreasonable amount of time trying to accomplish things. All my life, I've wanted nothing more than a (minutely) lucrative photography business. While I don't know if that is something I will ever have, I have begun the process of designing a website so that I have something to show for all of the passion I've put into it. I don't have the best equipment and all of the technical skills I posses were handed down from working with other photographers for years and years, but it is fulfilling, and without it I would only be half of a person. I don't know if there is any merit to working this hard on a site, and truly it is probably something I should put off until Dylan is back to school. I just know it's a step in a direction away from being sedentary.

Sooner than I can fathom, Derek! and I will be married. The emotional fulfillment of knowing there is one person who has chosen me over all of the other women in the entire world to take this journey with is remarkably overwhelming. I feel blessed and I don't always know why he has chosen me, but I love him dearly and I cannot wait for our life story to begin.

My hope is that once the wedding is over and Dylan is back to school (OMG THIRD GRADE!) I will be able to collect myself enough to vigorously pursue a consistent amount of photography work. Until then, I need to hold on to what (little) I have. This part-time job, and a fire in my stomach that wants take photos so badly I can taste it.

Like I said before, I will post a lot of Missouri photos soon. Also have some from our trip to the Chicago Botanic Garden that are pretty nice. The fourth of July was lovely. I hate fireworks and luckily wasn't subjected to too many of them. We took Dylan to the festival and he spent the evening with my parents to watch my dad set off fireworks. We picked him up, exhausted and smelling like Deep Woods Off, the next morning. A whole night to ourselves! We were asleep by 9:30. Don't kid yourself.

School starts August 20th. I had to write this on a post-it note at my desk. Dylan took the liberty of adding a date that I never would have remembered otherwise:
Thanks, buddy. August 11. Got it.

We're trying hard to plan a birthday party for him. I want it to be a surprise because Dylan is an intense kid who always wants to know what is going on in detail and he'll truly drive me up a wall if he's involved in the planning process at all. I know that sounds terrible, but he's just a nag. Not that I haven't made this point already, but money is tight. Canceling-our-honeymoon-tight. I take full responsibility for this and feel tremendously guilty about it, so I am trying not to make his birthday party too big of a shindig. We shall see.

Here are a few pics I have finished from the botanic gardens. I know there is no direction to this entry, and I apologize. I have to get to work shortly and I put off blogging until the last minute because that's what I do. Anyway, enjoy:

I didn't think his love of nature was something that would rub off on me to any degree at all, but it has. The happiness all of these flowers has brought me is just another way Derek! has changed my life. His family is the kind of family I have always wished mine was but will never be. His parents are loving and generous and understanding. I don't feel like a fool when I talk to them like I do when I talk to mine. I have a hard time not hugging them all the time whenever we're with them. It's ridiculous really. Nonetheless, Derek! has made me the happiest little momblogger alive.

Take care all. More soon.

"I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright." ~Henry David Thoreau