They Don't Love You Like I Love You

Memorial Day weekend was a long one. We did some extravagant landscaping, removing shrubs in front of the house and mowing and gutter cleaning. At least the house now looks like one where I would trick-or-treat.

We also took a two mile hike through a local place where Derek! works. He's a nature guy, so he knows all the good spots. It was extraordinarily hot during our hike, but we saw things worth photographing.

The first one is Phlox. The second is a Daddy Long Legs. The third is Dylan eating a wild strawberry. I'm not sure I understand the purpose of eating things you find on the ground in the woods, especially things like strawberries. Things I can go to the grocery store and find crates of. Plus, they are clean at the grocery store. They haven't been sitting in soil that raccoons, squirrels, birds, bunnies, and other unheard of critters have shit in. Plus, they are bigger. Also, tastier.

Nonetheless, we ate strawberries that had been sitting in shitdirt for I have no idea how long. Just...for the thrill of it or whatever.

I love them. I love Dylan with his binoculars and his camera. He's my favorite. And, Derek! look at his face. I love that face. It's the face of forever. If forever had a face, I mean.

The local places are getting stale. It might be me. It probably is. I've been cynical lately. Derek! has some classes to take in Missouri next week and I asked (ok...begged....ok...demanded.) that he take us along. I'm in desperate need of new inspiration, change of scenery, a jump start of what Dylan and I have predicted to be the best summer of our lives.

I'm not really looking forward to 6 hours in the car. I am looking forward to taking a million photographs.

My day today has been irritating. I'm not sure I have a better word for it. I know this blog is all disjointed and a collection of random thoughts, but why stop now? I'm knee-deep in wedding planning and I don't know how much longer I can do it.

My mother has hurt my feelings regularly, I'd say at least once a week, since we've announced our engagement. How do you stop that from happening? I will say, I have become the master of callous. I may have been dipped in butter somewhere along the way with how easily I let the things she says slide off my shoulders. At a point, however, I so wish I was the kind of person as the people who say just the right thing at just the right time. I wish I felt like my words were effective.

They aren't.

My maid of honor is my 15 year old sister. I find it very difficult to really be offended that she isn't stepping up and taking charge. I think she's great. She is really shy, so I think this is helping her step out of her comfort zone a bit. It helps that I don't expect much of her.

One of my bridesmaids is my big sister. She hasn't even telephoned me about the wedding. The other is Derek!'s sister. All she really has to do is show up, I guess.

The day Derek! proposed, I knew my mother had the capacity to turn this wonderful thing into a bad experience, and I made a promise to myself not to let that happen but it did anyway. I spent this evening mulling over her hurtful disregard of the way she speaks about one of the most important days of my life. I replay the things she says over and over. Why? Why do I do that?

Sadly, I have so much more to blog about. Tomorrow is my last day home without Dylan. I don't know the next time I'll be able to sit down and blog. The house is loud and I rarely get a moment without someone checking in on me.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou